It has dawned on me this evening that persistent delusional disorder is a genuine condition that humans suffer from, and I am one of those mentally ill persons. I deluded myself that I was seeking the truth better than any scientist had ever done before me to unravel hitherto hidden secrets of the universe. I suffered from delusions of grandeur in the process of determining the promised land for myself.
Nothing that I have published in my websites should be taken as a true representation of the universe that we live in. I speculated and published as if they were a blessed boon that I was destined for glory in mankind.
I state this today so that those who are mentally ill are not frowned upon by society as it is a part of the human condition. We think all kinds of things. We read and formulate beliefs to guide us in our lives. I have been doing this all my adult life as if I was under a self-imposed or God-inspired mission to eradicate ignorance. I am through with my endeavours and admit that I am not the wise person that I seemed to believe that I was. I am deluded in thinking that I was persecuted for my actions to secure justice for myself and the rest of humanity in the process.
Fortunately, I have compiled my thoughts in my diaries that I maintained diligently thinking I was on to something great. These diaries and the correspondence files that I created narrate my passage during the past 22 years and are there for anyone who might be interested in learning how mental illness afflicts people and affects the way they act in society.
This is a confession that I have failed miserably as a human being after 63 years of existence on this planet. Everything that I wrote in my websites should therefore be taken with a pinch of salt as to their relevance to humanity. I have no proof of the speculative theories that I spelt out, most notably on the Creation of Brahman-Nature.
I am also lucky that I lived in such a tolerant country and people as the British are, to whom I have apologised profusely for having been such a burden to accommodate when I generated mayhem for the people and institutions with whom I have corresponded.
I have not found any divine entity that blessed me with the means that I used to discover reality for I only have theories that cannot be proven by me no matter how hard I tried in my search for the truth. There never was any God or god for me and whatever I did was born of ignorance of the only reality that we do know, that is that we have life. What we make of it is entirely up to us and noone else can guide one on truths.
I say this because I could not get answers to the questions that I have suffered, either through consultations with humanity or from within. I remain as deluded as ever before on what reality comprises of.
I hope this confession is helpful to others who may also suffer from mental illness so that they can be helped appropriately through counselling.
I intend to maintain all my websites as my contribution to humanity and Humanology.
27 February 2020
6 March 2020 Update:
I imagined that I had mental 'connections' with an Entity that was within me and external to me and it was active in my mind to give me all kinds of experiences that involved changing perceptions and changing realities that caused me mental health issues like schizophrenia, persistent delusional disorder, and paranoid behaviour but I have no proof of a God playing tricks on me through mind games for his own purposes whatever these may have been. I was twice incarcerated in a mental hospital and have been on anti-psychotic and anti-depressant medications to control my mind although the Psychiatrists have now also referred me for Autism Assessment and Treatment. I thought for a long time that there may have been a Being who was helping me to understand the laws of Nature and so I called it Brahman-Nature but this could be totally delusional. I have no proof of anything that I have ever considered as possible explanations of Reality.
So the mind was wandering wildlly over 22 years and I asked the Psychiatrists for a list of Do's and Don'ts for me to live by, but they would not give out such 'Orders'. In the end I decided that it was enough suffering and I needed a religion which requires vows and beliefs to control and restrict my erratic and haphazard conduct in society that had everyone confused. I then came across Sanatana Dharma believing it to be the eternal religion (it is the only religion that answered all my delusional thoughts that generated peace of mind at last as I am now totally calm and without cigarettes and my family is now happy with me for adhering to those Vows. I have taken these vows (26 points of order) believing it to be in the sight of God as Sri Krishna who is represented in Brahman-Nature by Brahma.
7 March 2020 Update:
That there is a God or gods that one can relate to and develop a Sanatana Dharma with Vows and beliefs as if there is organised Nature as Brahman-Nature with Brahma, Vishnu and Shive as gods that one needs to abide by may be the greatest self-delusion of them all. One must therefore lose all attachments including adherence to this theory in order to survive on one's own genetic endowments. If one is lucky enough to have been born with the right genes that imparts one the intelligence to live in this world of obstacles and hurdles to one's well being one is destined to survive to a grand old age, which is the objective of living: to extend one's life for as long as possible using one's mental faculties of truth discernment. That self development comes from shedding all one's attachments including what might be perceived as Sanatana Dharma.